come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
