I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
