so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
