dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
