oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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