Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize