i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
