They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
