C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
