I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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