"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
