guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
