he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
