my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
