I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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