Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
