Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
