Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
