Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
