My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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