It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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