I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize