Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
