He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
