someone get that fucking seahorse.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
