We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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