If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We need to rekindle our bromance
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
