So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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