tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
