Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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