I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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