this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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