This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize