Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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