Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
