he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
