Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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