he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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