That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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