if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
