dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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