dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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