I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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