I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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