Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
