Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its not stalking. its research.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
