'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
