This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
