Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
did you just send me my own nude
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize