im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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