Me too!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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