There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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