Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Terrible idea I love it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
