Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
