I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
