I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
