I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
