Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
