Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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