whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
