there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
