the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
