okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
