Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
