the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
