Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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