it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
