And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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