My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
